Vampires Suck, brought to you by the mad geniuses behind such cinematic wonders as Disaster Movie, is a spoof of Twilight and New Moon combined. The jokes are mediocre with lots of pop culture references to public figures like Lady Gaga and the cast of Jersey Shore which will delight many teens in the crowd. The film plays up a lot of the silliness inherent in Stephanie Meyer’s originals like the way Bella was rolling around screaming in New Moon and the fact that Jacob is, after all, a dog.

Okay so I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t laugh once the entire time I was sitting in the theater.  Some of the jokes were, in fact, funny.

The casting choices were also pretty decent as there were some familiar faces and the voices of many of the actors were spot on likenesses of the originals.   I got to see one of my favorite actors from Office Space Diedrich Bader who plays Sheriff Crane (you know, instead of Swan).  The hilarious Ken Jeong from Role Models and The Hangover is Daro (the Aro Volturi counterpart):

Some might recognize Arielle Kebbel (who played the mean girl in Aquamarine) as the scary redhead Victoria, I mean, Rachel from the trio of bad vampires:

The man versus wheelchair fight in the beginning of the movie did have its merits.  And I did laugh at the size of Bella’s cactus (and whatever that thing was in Edward Sullen’s pants).  But I also fell asleep, too, and that tells me a lot.  First, that I need more iron in my diet, and second, Vampires Suck is like a rehash of every Twilight spoof you’ve ever seen on Youtube:  not only have we seen it already, but we’ve seen remixes of it already.  But don’t just take my word for it, out of over 2,700 user ratings on IMDB.com, Vampires Suck garnered a 3.8 stars out of 10.

Rating:  C-

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