Bitch’in Toy Review: G.I. Joe 30th—Last Chance!

Going to Toys R Us on the “Right Day” is all luck and for once in a very long time, I had the luck.
With the ending of the 30th Anniversary line in favor of the Retaliation line, some figures are disappearing and are not easy to get a hold of unless you want to pay the scalpers prices on ebay.

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Starting with my second G.I. Joe: Renegades, figure, the “rare” and elusive Law and Order; this figure comes complete with baton, automatic rifle, hand cuffs, face shield, helmet, radio, shotgun, other guns and more (the list was getting too long). Also included is his dog Order who has a leash and an outfit of his own. Both figures have a great sculpt and the package art is just awesome with cartoon images of the characters.

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The back of the card has more cartoon art, an “also available” and a Renegades cartoon based file card.

Law and Order are great figures and great characters—originally introduced in the 1987 G.I. Joe: The Movie, they still live on in the most modern selection of figures.

GRADE: A+ (Awesome total package)!

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Probably the most difficult figure to find, the Zombie Viper is just an over the top creation that is simply cool. Featuring a lot of detail and multiple options for display, the Zombie Viper has swappable arms for tentacles, giving him JOE-grabbing action. Also included is a domed helmet, and a tank of “Compound-Z” which turns this former Cobra soldier into a mindless Zombie—truly now, Cobra Commander has gone too far!

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The back of the card features character art, an “also available” and file card.

A very interesting figure to say the least, the Zombie Viper is simply a cool concept and a fun piece to enter the history of G.I. Joe.

GRADE: A (The detail and concept are just great)!

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Probably my second favorite male character in all of G.I. Joe, Lifeline is the Medic who took over for Doc (my first favorite).

A very hard figure to find, Lifeline is sculpted in modern detail to the original. Lifeline comes with a ton of accessories to save the lives of his fellow Joe’s and if a Cobra or innocent is in need, he will be there for them too. Including his helmet now a separate piece, a briefcase with an air and defibulator setup inside, there are also paddles to yell “clear” as he restarts the hearts of a fallen victim. There is an oxygen set-up, IV set-up, a syringe and a modern backboard unlike the stretcher that Doc comes with. The backboard features many hand holds so characters can grab hold of a part and take a victim out of the “hot zone.”

In the cartoon, Lifeline was seriously talked about as being a pacifist, (something mentioned on Doc’s file card in 1983). The 1986 Lifeline file card doesn’t mention this however, more often than not; the cartoon holds precedence over all other media in describing the character—after all, the cartoon is selling the toys. So, my question is: why would someone whose purpose is to save lives be carrying around an automatic rifle with a rocket launcher attached, and a handgun??? This situation is worse than the original where the package art has the character holding a pistol. The 1986 Lifeline came with a pistol and when Kellogg’s cereal offered a figure (which I have in the baggie) — Hasbro had to use different legs which did not feature a molded gun in a holster; also, he didn’t come with the pistol. Now, this current Lifeline has a “thing” that can take lives—many lives, quickly and in one shot. He also has a pistol—it’s just ridiculous because he is a medic, not a soldier—something to expect from a Cobra such as Scalpel and the Medi-vipers, not the good guys. The final piece is a boot knife which is probably the only “weapon” Lifeline should have.

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The back of the package has character art, an “also available” and the file card that takes a lot from the 1986 original.

Lifeline is a great figure regardless of the guns, I would open it and give the weapons to someone else, but he is one of my top, favorite characters and I’d rather keep him sealed, so I’ll just have to live with it—hey, he could be holding the weapon of death for one of his fellow Joe’s—that’ll work!

GRADE A- (For a pacifist medic having guns).

Each of the figures comes with a display stand and probably a few extra accessories that I’m missing. All in all, these are great figures and I’ll miss the quality for the cheesy Retaliation line that comes with colorful weapons reminiscent of the 90’s and file cards that have nothing to do with the characters. At least I have the 30th anniversary and before for the best selection of figures. We can only wonder what will become of the G.I. Joe line after the Retaliation line ends.

Encased in official G.I. Joe “Star Cases,” this selection will hold a proud spot on my G.I. Joe shelf.

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