This week’s biggest news is that Michael Bay is producing a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and they’re going to be aliens.  The backlash started right away and Bay told the TMNT fans to take a chill pill.  Then CBR reported today that half TMNT creator, Kevin Eastman supported the change.  Eastman said on FB:

“Sorry to have been away for so long–completely swamped with work–but it is some pretty exciting stuff.  I had been invited to check out the TMNT film development by my friend Scott Mednick over the years, and a while back had a full look behind the curtian [sic] at what writers Appelbaum and Nemec, director Liebesman, and producer Bay are doing–and trust me–it IS AWESOME. I’m officially on board, and will share more as I’m allowed… thanks all!”

Then director, Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles) said the following:

“Look, it’s so funny—if everyone was such a die-hard fan, they would know that the TCRI canisters where the ooze comes from. That is alien ooze. Now I’m not saying what Michael said is exactly what the movie is, because we’re sitting in a room now figuring everything out. So we don’t know, but we are like Michael said: we’re expanding it, and the expansion will be true to the mythology. I promise you: fans will love it.”

Regarding the movie will use CG or costumes, he said:

“All I’ll say is that I love how they did [The Rise of the Planet of the Apes]. That was exceptional.”

As a long time TMNT fan, I’m not getting excited about this news.  In fact it gets me mad that they’re changing the origin.  Here are the reasons why it sucks:

1) Empathy – I can relate to the turtles because they’re from the sewers of NYC.  And no I didn’t live in the sewer because I’m afraid of big ass crocodiles but my point is that since they grew up here on Earth, they have human characteristics.  Just like most nerds, they love pizza, play video games, single and have a full time job (only theirs is cooler & more exciting).  If they came from outer space are we going to have the same running gag as Bay’s Transformers where the turtles will be ignorant and learn our language through the interwebs?

2)  Mythology –  They want to expand the mythology, but what’s the point?   There’s enough mythology from the source material.  Splinter vs Shredder relationship, turtles not getting along all the time, the heroes relationship with humans.  Hell…bring in Krang if it will satisfy Bay’s intergalactic fetish.  Instead of changing the mythology, they should respect and put their insight into it.  This is what Christopher Nolan did in Batman Begins.  He filled in the gaps of how Bruce Wayne became Batman while staying true to the source.  If Bay produced Batman Begins, he’d have Bruce Wayne be an alien from Kyptonite. If they want to expand the TMNT mythology further, why not make them be ninjas who only use laser guns and who look like pigs because of evolution.

3) Hack – Director Jonathan Liebesman is already talking like this movie will have great character development.  I’ll bet my whole savings of $10.76 and say that this will just be one action scene after another.  Did you guys see his movie, Battle: LA?  It had a crappy storyline about a fallen soldier trying to redeem himself with an alien invasion backdrop.  I know it sounds really……original.  Even the CG for that movie was terrible.  I love how he mentioned “Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.”  That movie worked because I could relate to Caesar and it made the okay CG tolerable.

Then Liebesman has the balls to say this:

“Look, it’s so funny—if everyone was such a die-hard fan, they would know that the TCRI canisters where the ooze comes from. That is alien ooze.”

What’s even funnier is that Liebesman is missing the whole point on why the turtles are so likeable (hint…reason #1).  It doesn’t matter where the ooze came from, what matters is that the turtles are from Earth.  This guy is already missing the whole point of the characters.

4) Hack #2 – As much I love Michael Bay’s directed movie like The Rock and Transformers, he’s terrible as a producer.  Just in case you forgot what movies he produced, let me refresh you:

Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Friday The 13th
Nightmare On Elm Street
Amityville Horror

When you first read the titles, you’ll think he must be an old fart producing some horror classics.  Nope, you’d be wrong because Michael Bay is only 47.  Instead he re-made those classics.  Each remake became progressively worse.  None of those movies made me relate to any characters but maybe I should trust him with TMNT since it’s not a remake.  More like a re-imagining or more like the old video game, Battle Toads.

5) Fat paycheck – Co-creator, Eastman supports the new story, what the hell?  I’m going to cut him some slack because he draws sketches for free at Comic Cons but it makes me wonder why he didn’t fight the turtles origins tooth & nails with Bay.  This is his freaking creation for crying out loud.  There’s enough stories out there since 1984 for an interesting movie.  I say he’s getting a nice hefty cash from Bay to support the project.  How many of you guys would allow the origin of your characters to be changed when it’s loved by millions of fans for close to 30 years.

So that’s my take on this fiasco.  It could be that the new story is really good but with the people involved on this remake, this movie will be added to Bay’s monumental success as a producer.

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